The Things That happen When Emmett Get's Bored
by AliceCullen351
Summary: Well the title pretty much says it all. oneshot Caution contains bd spoilers. hope you like. beware of major emmettness


A/N this is a one shot made by me and my friend so I hope you like it.

So at first I planned to spend my day as I normally do. With Rosalie. On our bed…all day. And oh look at that she was already there when I got into the room reading some magazine she stole from Alice's room. She looked at up me and I smiled wolfishly at her but it instantly faded as she scowled and shook her head at me.

"Not today Emmett." She said firmly.

"What! C'mon! No fair…"

And so my first plan of the day was ruined and no amount of pouting on my half could get Rosalie to agree to it. So, plan two. Annoying Eddie, that jerk is probably still getting some. I threw on the nearest pair of jeans and t-shirt I could find, I think it might have been dirty but I don't need to dress up to see those two. Who knows when they last drug themselves out of bed to take a shower or change clothes. I swear. It took me only a few seconds to get down to their cottage and carefully and all stealthy like(ooh big word, how you like them apples) I looked through their window to see if I could possibly find out which area of the house they were currently destroying. A strong tug on my pant leg drew my attention away though but when I turned no one was there…so I looked down and sure enough my niece was looking up at me through her mother's doe eyes, half with curiosity and half suspicion.

"Uh…hey there Nessie. Why are you outside?"

She cocked her head slightly to the side and said in her musical voice, "Why are you outside Uncle Emmey? Well daddy sent me out to play with my Jacob while he and mom did "taxes"."

I slapped my hand onto my forehead. Taxes? Is that best they could come up with! I stifled my laughter as Nessie watched me a confused expression on her smooth childish face.

"What' s so funny?"

"Nothing kiddo. Just go play with your doggie, I'm gonna…"help daddy"."

I smiled brightly and right on time a howl from within the woods sent Nessie running giggling into the trees after the dog. What a tool that guy is. Anyway, back to the mission at hand. I moved to the back of the house and peered through the bedroom window. No one there. Hmm.

I went around to the side and caught sight of Edward's hair in the living room. It's like a beacon I swear, that color is so NOT natural. Well they weren't doing anything really which was kind of a bummer. Bella was cuddled against him in a robe (probably the only thing she had on!) and they were watching a movie. I kept my thinking to a minimum(which haha wasn't very hard you know you were all thinking that and stop laughing. It's a dumb joke.) as I tried to see what they were watching. Dirty movie anyone? I bet their into that. Oh god…no…no….why Edward? WHY WOULD YOU WATCH THAT!! Oh god…Raise Your Voice. Bella better stop making him watch those movies, or he really WILL turn gay for Carlisle.

(Funny story, Jasper made Carlisle feel like he was in love with Edward on Valentine's day last year. It was frickin hilarious)

He didn't seem to be particularly enjoying the movie which was a good sign. Bella however looked to be whispering lyrics along with it. Alice would flip if she saw this. Bella moved slightly on the couch so I hurried away out of sight from the window. I only looked away for a second and when I looked back in Edward was gone…and right behind me.

"Emmett."

"Er…hi?"

"You need something?" he glared a faint hissing sound coming from him as he spoke.

"Yeah! I'd LOVE it if you lend me that movie sometime there Eddie-boy. You seem to be enjoying it."

He glowered viciously at me,

"That's funny, I could of sworn I heard you think about wanting to watch a different kind of movie."

"Brain rapist."

Being the modest little stuck up he is Edward jolted at the word and hissed,

"Don't be stupid. That is super offensive, and you know I can't control it."

"That's what all rapist say."

My logic seemed to be lacking in Edward's opinion as he flared instantly and pointed quickly back to the house,

"Go stalk someone else. I am not here for your amusements."

"Edward?"

Bella called from the door so I shrugged,

"Fine. You're boring anyway. And give your daughter the TALK already would you! A few more years and she'll be confusing poor Jacob telling him she wants him to help her with "taxes"."

At that Edward made a swing at me so I turned laughing and ran back to the house.

So I went back to the house, it was pretty quiet which made me think. Time to screw with Alice. I snuck down the hall quietly, I could hear Jasper's voice from their room.

"Er…are you sure that's alright, Alice?"

"Of course! Put it on."

"It's kind of…tight."

WHAT ARE THEY DOING?!! Is Alice into tight leather now? AND WHIPS? Poor Jasper! I opened the door quickly to rescue my dear brother from his wench but froze horrified. Jasper…was wearing a pink dress, WITH FRILLS, and make-up applied on his face making his scars looks twice as creepy. His mouth, which was shining with gloss, dropped open at the sight of me and he roared,

"I thought TODAY WAS YOUR DAY TO SPEND WITH ROSALIE!"

"She's busy reading YOUR WIFES magazine. And what the heck are you doing!"

Alice hurriedly sprang up shoving me out,

"We're having our private time now, don't mess with us just because Rosalie is holding out on you. Good bye."

The door slammed in my face and rattled on its frame from the force of Alice's arm. My eyes…somethings can never be unseen. Scared for life. No joke. But…Edward must see this. I ran quickly to my room, grabbed the digital camera from my desk, hurried back, broke the door open flashed a few quick pictures before Alice and Jasper raced after me. Jasper fell behind quickly, not being able to run in heels. I broke through the living room window and hurried deep into the woods before they could catch me. Alice may be the fastest but she has a little trouble running when I keep throwing boulders at her.

After things calmed down and I hid the photos in Edward's closet, fun times when he finally decides to put some pants on. But who knows when that will be. You think my parents would have heard the ruckus by now and come to scold me but they had failed to show up yet. The door to Carlisle's office was closed and locked so I pressed an ear against the door and heard…troubling noises. (shudder)

I don't want to know. EVER. Their still my mom and dad to me.

So I knocked on the door rapidly,

"MOM DAD? ARE YOU DOING "TAAAAXES"?"

There was a loud bang and a curse from Esme, (I assume he dropped her) and I ran quickly away.

Bored now I made my way back to my room where Rosalie was still sitting reading. How boring.

"Are you done yet?"

She rose an index finger up to shush me, read the last of the page rapidly and then looked up,

"Yeah. C'mere."

SWEET

THE END

(for you guys at least heheh)

A/N hope you liked. You see this is what happens when we get bored.


End file.
